How to handle grumpies, whiners, and other strong characters

Pressure creates counter-pressure –  so if you want to put someone in their place or even teach them, you better ask yourself this question first: "What does s/he need so that I get what I want?" This question avoids a direct escalation and typically makes you find better solutions than the question: "How do I position myself strongly (enough) here?" How to train this thinking style with 5 reflection questions:

• What is my goal (in the common situation)?
• What solution do I want and how do I want to appear in defending it?
• How do I convey my intention in a winning way?
• What are possible needs of the other person?
• How can I take the other person's needs into account in my solution?

Others often appear to us as opponents or underground fighters – even in working life in teams, leadership, and change. This is often difficult to endure. Self-confident people have many strengths that you can sometimes even make use of. You need to agree on some roles, rules, and goals without missionizing each other. You don't need to think alike, but you should understand each other and share some general goal direction. It is not the goal to win the battle, but it is the goal to get along decently with one another. Wanting less can achieve more. Try it.

More on this can be watched in a current (German) #konfliktmut lunch break with Manuela Zehender and Marco Behrmann. Please take a look and write to us your experiences with grumpies or know-it-alls in your surroundings.